wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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