my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
my poor anus
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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