People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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