he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize