FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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