i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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