Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
