If i come over, it means nothing
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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