I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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