I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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