whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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