I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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