what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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