Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
