Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
