areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
