The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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