I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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