I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
