I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
