True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
