I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
