Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
