his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
