booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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