you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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