literally had 100 drinks last night.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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