My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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