Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
