you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
