My nipple is on Facebook.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My vagina just clenched in fear
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
