Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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