I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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