were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
