If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
