I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
