If that was your dad, he is hot
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize