I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
