I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
