do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
