Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
