O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Couch. On fire.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize