dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
