I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
