I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
