my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
