sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
