I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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