And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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