So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
