We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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