I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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