By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
