Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
