He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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