I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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