my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
