Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
