how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
His nipple licking is glorious
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