i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
foreskin is a definite game changer
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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