I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
