2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
