in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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