can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
