you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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