I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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