I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
They have beer where we have blood.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
