Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
