wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Randomize
